Family Matters.
When It Really Matters.

How to Handle a Narcissist in a San Diego Divorce

On Behalf of | Jan 30, 2021 | Divorce

Are you wondering how to handle a narcissist in a San Diego divorce?  Are you concerned about how your malignant or covert narcissist spouse will affect your divorce?

The challenge of how to handle a narcissist in a San Diego divorce is their complete lack of empathy, their constant need for admiration and their judgment of the actions of others.  There are strategies to manage the process in a way which does not unnecessarily trigger the wrong response or make a difficult situation even worse.

Clinical psychology studies have consistently shown a narcissist attempts to drive their spouse to, in effect, surrender.  They want to call all the shots and they want to win.

One of the most effective strategies to handle a narcissist in a San Diego divorce is to learn a single word:  “No.” Note, this is a “calm No.”  You know your narcissistic spouse is attempting to exert control and power over you.  Every action they take and word they speak is intended to get their way.  The less emotional your response the better.  The louder they get the quieter you get.

Seek space.  Do not engage in back-and-forths, especially in person.  Do not be drawn into a verbal response, let alone a voice mail, text, email, etc.  One of the best ways to handle a narcissist in a San Diego divorce is to simply and calmly respond “No, we are going to follow the law in this matter.”  “No, the Court will determine how these assets are divided.”  “No, the Court will determine what is in the best interests of our child(ren).”

Better yet, simply answer “No.”  Your narcissistic spouse is trying to control the outcome.  What they are demanding is not reasonable or fair.  There is no discussion.  The answer is a simple “No.”

You don’t need to think about it.  You know it in your gut.  There is no reason to go back and forth in your mind or allow them to make you feel guilty in any way.  The answer is simple:  “No.”

Many studies have shown saying “No” to a narcissist will reduce and eventually eliminate these unfair and unreasonable demands.

Expect everything from possessions to child custody to money to become a weapon in the mind of the narcissist.  Each important component of a divorce settlement must be resolved before your divorce can be completed.  When it comes to the Narcissist, these are battles which must be “won” and not “shared.”

If you have children you will not only have to handle a narcissist in a San Diego divorce but in some form of shared parenting for years to come.

This is why it is important to work with the Certified Family Law Specialists at Burke & Domercq.  You have rights under California Family Law.  Your spouse is governed by laws as well, including the legal duty to act as your fiduciary until the date your divorce is finalized.  This means they must handle all financial matters with your best interests in focus.

This is especially important in financial matters.  We do not allow our clients to be bullied.  If you should receive temporary or permanent spousal support under California law we will pursue it.  If you need access to financial accounts to simply pay your bills we seek an order from the Court to set aside specific funds in your name alone.

One of the ways to handle a narcissist in a San Diego divorce is to seek sanctions from the Court.  Sanctions are a financial penalty for misconduct, empty and pointless litigation, failure to disclose, or failure to follow the Court’s orders.  This will be a process to help the narcissist to respect boundaries, and that there will be stiff penalties which “hurt their self interests” if they don’t comply.

Protect your own interests and contact us or call 760-389-3927 to schedule an appointment for a remote or socially distanced consultation with one of our experienced Certified Family Law Specialists.