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Preparing Children for Your Divorce in San Diego

On Behalf of | May 19, 2021 | Divorce

Are you searching for information about preparing children for your divorce in San Diego?  Obviously, the strain on your marriage has taken its toll.  However, the end of a marriage will result in several changes in the life of your child(ren).  The manner with which you present your decision to divorce to your child(ren) will affect how they react, and their behavior at home, in school, throughout the divorce process and in post-divorce life.  This is worth taking some time to reflect upon and plan.

The best strategy when preparing children for your divorce is to deliver the news together.  The two of you should take the time necessary to be able to discuss the situation in a calm, neutral and straight forward manner.  If you have more than one child it is usually best to have the conversation when they are all together.

The time will come for individual, one-on-one conversations with each child later.  Tailor your message appropriately based upon the age of your child, and focus on how their life at home, school and in extra-curricular activities will continue.  You can discuss how the divorce will change their life and schedule at a point in the future.  The message should be focused on how you are going to work together while reassuring your commitment to each child.

This is not a time to lay blame or berate the other parent.  This is a time to come together for what is best for the children.  Children will grapple with how they are able to keep loving each parent when they are with the other.  Reassure them of your love for them and that the children will continue to have open access to each parent going forward.

If the relationship between you and your spouse has deteriorated preparing children for your divorce will be even more challenging.  In these cases it is best to seek separate and joint counseling as well as the advice of the Certified Family Law Specialists at Burke & Domercq prior to a conversation with the children.

The children know more than you may think or believe.  Even young children know when there are challenges between their parents.  Be calm.  Be candid.  Seek a neutral setting and prepare yourself to be entirely focused upon the needs of each child.

Discuss any changes which may be coming down the road as well as all of the things which will remain the same for each child.  If you know when one of their parents may leave the family home or how parenting time will be shared between the co-parents it can be helpful to let them know what’s coming.  Let them know you will “keep them up to date” as things progress and tell them what is going to happen ahead of time.

Finally, preparing children for your divorce requires a supportive routine.  The Court will carefully watch the behaviors of each parent as you work to maintain as much of the “Status Quo” as possible.  It is in both parent’s interests to help to maintain the existing routine of each child.  This encompasses all things in their life such as school and homework, extra-curricular activities, even caring for the family pet(s) or hanging out with friends.

Divorce is naturally an emotionally challenging time for any child.  A well planned, proactive, calm and straight forward approach will reassure them of the love of each parent and boost their confidence and sense of security in the changes to come.  Working as a team for the best interests of the child is not only in your own personal and legal interests, it helps to calm their fears and provides comfort at a time they will need it most.

We invite you to contact the Certified Family Law Specialists at Burke & Domercq or call us today at 760-389-3927 to schedule an appointment.  We have helped clients for decades here in San Diego and will provide sound advice and counsel about preparing children for your divorce.