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Manage a San Diego Divorce With a Begrudging Spouse

On Behalf of | Jun 4, 2021 | Divorce

How do you manage a San Diego divorce with a begrudging spouse?  You may have tried everything from counseling to couples retreats to honest conversations about ending the marriage.  Your spouse just doesn’t want a divorce and you can’t continue the marriage.  What are you supposed to do?

The first and most important thing to know is you aren’t alone in this experience.  Many spouses resist the reality of an ending marriage and pending divorce.  The range of emotions are as wide as their reasons for disagreeing with the divorce.  There is a way forward, and it is important to carefully plan and manage each step.

The one unavoidable reality about ending a marriage is the cost of divorce and the time it takes to complete are directly tied to the amount of disagreement between you and your spouse, and your ability to work through the issue(s) and resolve them.  The Judge in your case cannot grant a divorce until every issue in the Separation Agreement is completely resolved.

So what are some proven strategies for how to manage a San Diego divorce with a begrudging spouse?  First, manage every communication carefully and strategically.  Know your objective from the outset, and don’t allow yourself to be drawn into any sort of confrontation.  If a text string or email exchange is heating up simply acknowledge it would be better to suspend the conversation for the moment and continue it when emotions have passed.  Keep a calm tone and communicate clearly at all times.

Handle things in small steps.  Don’t try to approach too many things all at once.  Talk to your spouse about how things could work in the future.  For example, if you have children a constant theme would be something to the effect of: “Our ability to continue to communicate respectfully and in at least a neutral tone will make this much easier for our children.”  Yes, it’s hard for a child to understand and accept the idea of a divorce.  However, it is a lot harder for a child to logically or emotionally process the coming changes when Mom and Dad are having constantly heated exchanges.

Plant the seeds of mediation.  Mediation is a private, confidential strategy which keeps your personal business out of the public record.  It is also an environment which is specifically designed to prevent controlling behavior and heated exchanges.  The mediator will work with you, your spouse and your counsel to identify potential alternatives and resolve any areas of disagreement.

Finally, one of the most important things to consider as you manage a San Diego divorce with a begrudging spouse is your own health and well-being.  It is important to have a close support group of family and friends, and to consider professional counseling to support you on this journey.  The Certified Family Law Specialists at Burke & Domercq have decades of experience in these types of cases.  We help you to develop and implement proven strategies to manage each step of the process and provide insight and guidance on communications and negotiations.

Protect your own interests and contact us or call 760-389-3927 to schedule an appointment for a remote or socially distanced consultation with one of our experienced Certified Family Law Specialists.