Family Matters.
When It Really Matters.

Maintain Good Communications With Your Former Spouse

On Behalf of | Aug 7, 2019 | Divorce

It is important to maintain good communications with your former spouse.  Divorce is obviously a very emotional and stressful time.  There are personal issues between you and your spouse which have resulted in this break.  So this obviously has to be a contentious battle, right?  Actually, quite the opposite.

There are crucial reasons to set aside division and maintain good communications with your former spouse.  The first is your own health.  This divorce will take a toll on you personally, even if you are the one who is driving it.  Ending a marriage is quite complex.  There will be several substantial challenges and perhaps even setbacks.  Your emotions will want to rise to the occasion.  It will be difficult to sleep at times and awkward moments, especially around your kids, can provide tinder for a raging fire.  Don’t give in.  It’s simply not in your own best interests.  Worse, you could provide ammunition to your former spouse to use against you.

For example, you need to realize every communication, every e-mail and text, every voicemail, every social media post is potential evidence.  If you get into a virtual shouting match over text or e-mail opposing counsel will use it to demonstrate you are abusive, unstable, a bad influence on the children.  Try to physically smile throughout any conversation or electronic communication.  Smiling causes a subconscious change in your physiology and will actually positively impact what you ultimately say and/or write.

The Judge is paying close attention to every moment of your conduct and every word you speak.  The Judge must evaluate both you and your former spouse to determine who to believe and whether you are capable to work together to co-parent, or if custody may be weighted more heavily to one side.  Words spoken harshly, critically or abusively in a voicemail or electronic communication become powerful testimony against you – in your own voice or words.

This is why it is important to maintain good communications with your former spouse during and after the divorce.  If you feel anger, stress or emotions rising during a conversation, text or email exchange put your phone down.  Walk away from your computer.  Consider making a request in place of any demand.  You may probably figure you already know what your former spouse thinks, but ask their opinion on an issue at hand, especially regarding the kids.  This demonstrates respect, and their response may pleasantly surprise you.

Your ability to maintain good communications with your former spouse during and after the divorce will have an impact on everything from child custody and parenting time, the time frame and cost of your divorce as well as your own health and well being.  It is simply in your best interests.